Thank you for the gift

 

“Before you tell me how to do better before you lay out your big plans for changing, fixing, and improving me, before you teach me how to pick myself up and dust off so I can be shiny and successful- know this: I’ve heard it before”.- Douglas Stone and Sheila Henn

Feedback is a gift! Well, says some school of thought, and I am a believer of that mindset. By having that mindset. I am in control of what to accept, what to discard, and what to implement from that feedback.

Feedback is a two-way dimension. You either give or take it. Both parties need to agree for the feedback to be effective.

Some time ago, I worked with an individual who felt it was in their place to dish out feedback -like it or not, under the guise of organizational culture which promotes feedback. However, if that feedback affects either party, there is room to ‘clean up’ and move on. I was new to the organization with no knowledge of this feedback culture, but that didn’t spare me from this individual’s brutal, subjective and non-helpful feedback.

In the past, I have always felt defensive when people give me feedback, especially when I sense they don’t care about my progress. The “can I give you feedback” is flat, blank and comes from a place of emptiness, is not an ask but a statement that will be delivered even before I respond.

Whether or not feedback is well intended, it is still subjective. It doesn’t matter if you sought the feedback back or not, it may come across as an attack if not well delivered.

Practice giving feedback

There are different formats and models for giving feedback. Here are some that don’t come with structures and easy to put to test.

Format 1

What I like about what you said/did was………………

What I would have liked to see/hear…………….

Format 2

I will rate this on a scale of 1-10 (1 being the lowest, 10 being the highest). I will rate it …… (state the number)

Here are things to get you to 10 (List your suggestions)

When not to give feedback

You should not give feedback (or learn to give a constructive one) of  you:

  • have presumptions or cognitive bias about the person and/or situation

  • don’t have radical candor or care about the person or situation.

  • are in a position of authority, and you exert that power you have.

  • suck at giving feedback!

Before you go!

How do you give or receive feedback? What has been your experience of feedback? Let your comments below

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